Sex; Post Break Up (The Farewell Fuck?)

After what was said was said and he went off and then came back again and my best friend came with her boy and made me supper and they went home so I could work in the morning I went to my bed where he was sleeping. He was waiting for me and snuggled against me and touched me. He had told me he still wanted to be with me til we moved apart, I knew and know it's a stupid idea, but I'll do what I can to make the hurt less for him. It's so warped, so laughable. Now that I don't what to be with him, in part because he didn't give me what I needed, he wants me. It's even more of an ironic joke that the sex after I told him I didn't want to stay with him was better than before.
He made his feeble brief attempt to go down on me, more than he had even pretended to think about before. He paid more heed to my responses than before. And he stayed and held me after. He was still too rough with me, I'm tending my soreness even now.
It's odd, somehow after that I don't want him anymore. If he can only be good to me if he's losing me, then he's even less the man for me. He still has a hold on me, I love him and still want him, but I can live without it.
Before I had decided that I really was certain I didn't want to stay with him I never turned him down for sex unless I had to. And if I did have to I would make it up to him. His idea of enough sex had varied from sparse to infrequent in recent months, from once every week and a half to twice a week. I was constantly begging for his attention, sometimes as much because I was crazy about him as because I felt that the only interaction with him I could get was sex. He admitted to me that I wore him out, but I didn't admit to him that when he was worn out I wasn't satisfied.

It's not the only reason I couldn't see myself with him long term, but I don't believe the people who say sex isn't a huge part of a relationship with a spouse. I'm a passionate person, I need someone who wants me as much as I want them, and can talk to me about what they want.

Going to be late for work, more later.
M.