Some people can talk about sex in a normal voice in a public place, I'm not one of them. I turn pinkish and smile giddily, maybe nodding or mumbling comments if asked something. Even in private with friends I can't delve into intimate details, and there are some friends to whom I might not fully admit that I have a sex life. The person I don't talk about sex with whom I *know* I should is the person I'm having it with. We didn't talk about it before, we don't talk about it during and we don't talk about it after. Before we started having sex it was sort of understood that we were the others first, I know he was mine and I implied it, I think I was his but I haven't asked him. We've been sleeping together for a while, a couple of months, and my period has been an emense reasurance to me. It's funny how something can go from making you cranky to hopeful and comforted.
When we first started going out, he wanted me so much it was tangible, so much it scared me. He desired me so much that he would hurt me by mistake, kiss me too roughly or hold me too tightly, and I guarded myself from him to a degree. Now that he has me and he knows it, and I can let him know that I want him too and I'm not going anywhere, I'm much more comfortable. He takes cues from me and he has spent a night in my bed without anything happening. And it's not that passion has waned, it's more that care and love has grown. We actually have sex more than when we started to, and every time is even better than the last.
My major, nail-biting concern is that he doesn't protect me, but after a couple months without dire consequences I have to wonder if I inehirited my mom's fertility problems.
God, hope no one reads this. :P
M
2 comments:
well, someone IS reading your online ramblings. As a guy in his fifties married for 25 years, I thought this was really quite beautiful. It made me remember my early loves. But please do protect yourself - you don't want to be making the agonizing decisions a pregnancy will cause! And TALK to your lover! it will only make it everything better! Make it easy - only say good things the first few times. "I really like when you...." sort of stuff.
i read it, i figured as much. ;) you don't have to talk to me about it. odd as it seems. i don't want to tell you if anything happens with me and puck. it seems too intimate. i know i've shared intimate stuff all the time before. but i don't think i could tell you this time.
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