Consuming Myself in Flames, Ignored

I want him more than he wants me, and it hurts to know it. Maybe this is what love becomes for a guy. Maybe this roaring in my heart is supposed to dull to a purr, but it doesn't want to. When he pulls away from me it breaks me heart a little. When he asks me to get off his lap after he's been on the computer all day and i'm missing him. Or when he says we should get some sleep when I kiss him goodnight. The way he moves my arm off of him and moves away from me in bed, every time he turns his back to me it breaks my heart a little more.
And still he does sweet things for me, still he says he loves without being prompted, still he wants me now and then and misses me when I'm gone for any length of time. But it doesn't feel the same.
He can keep his hands off of me, he doesn't love me more than once in a night, he doesn't tremble for me, or look at me quite the way he did.
My expectations are high, my desires strong, but how can that be a flaw?
M

Humans.... whatever

My life has changed so much from less than a year ago. I now have very few friends, and many people I call friends who I know aren't really friends to me. I have my lover, and Shadow, and one old friend who still does her best to keep in touch with me and misses me terribly. All of the others either dilliberetly don't contact me or have simply forgotten that I exist. I have me part in it, I was busy for a long time, getting used to being on my own and learning my job. None of them tried to get up with me in that time. And now that a year will have passed this month and some of them spoke of meeting up and never followed through with it, I feel like it's the right thing to do to let go. it still makes me a little bitter, but time changes things, life changes things. I have two friends now, that's better than none.
Last month one of my old friends birthday passed me by. I thought about him the day before, and the day of I thought of calling or sending a card or emailing, but I ended up thinking of him all day and doing nothing to let him know it. I didn't even buy a gift and hang on to it for when I see him (if I see him).
Another friend was finishing up highschool, her mother was my friend as well. I didn't hear from them for a long time but I knew they were always busy people. Finally she contacted me and let me know when her break was, I told her tolet me know when was best to meet up and I'd work around her schedule. I didn't hear from her for a while, so I figured whatever, she'll let me know if she wants. Next email I got was from her to all her friends letting them know she was in Mexico and doing well.
All of these childhood friends and long time second mothers, I think it's time for us all to find our own paths. I need new friends, new points of view, a new life. As much as I have changed, I think they all still think I am the same girl I was years ago.
Anyways, I've got to go hop in the shower. Ta ta .
M

Quick Rambling

I'm about to go to work but I feel like blogging a bit in the next three minutes, hehe. So here are some random observations from the last few days...
The woods are beautiful, even those stuck between suburban streets.
I know a lot about botany and edible plants, more than I really think about knowing.
Spontanious shower sex isn't easy, some things aren't suposed to get rinsed away. (TMI I know :P)
Girls can too have stronger libidos than guys.
People are weird when it comes to sex.
Clouds are awesome.
Working just to break even sucks.
Now I'm going to be late, so farewell till tonight.
M