I had a down day today. I expected it, which really only made it worse.
I had to pack up Ren and take her to work with me because she had to be out of my house for my landlord to show it and the frind I was hoping to leave her with didn't respond to my messages the night before. I had to open the store, I pulled into the lot at work fifteen minutes early and half dozed til my manager got there to open the doors. I took too long to do the animals and when the store manager came in the first thing he did, without saying good morning, was fuss at me through the opening manager. Over nothing, as usual. I got off and my friend had left me messages saying I could bring Ren over anytime, oh well. And that her bf had decide that they shouldn't go on the vacation I had already mailed the check to pay half of. Great.
I was finally at home and getting ready to take a nice long shower and I went out to the dryer to grab a towel. Sitting by the side door was a blue glass vase with an arangement of blue irises and yellow roses with a sympathy card attached.
From my sister. Or rather, the woman I used to consider a sister and the best friend a person could hope for. Used to.
It didn't make me cry, it didn't make me want to throw up, and it dertainly didn't make me miss her. Isn't it perfect that the one person you don't want to mark a certain anniversery with will alwasy be the one person to remember it? Merely added to my funk.
I got on the computer before the shower to see if anyone was on and fell asleep lying across the computer chairs for two hours. When I woke finally got int eh shower and stayed for as long as the water would stay hot. My ex came home and we watched a movie. It was a good movie but it didn't help where I was at in my head.
I can't even define this mood I've settled into, I'm just in the middle of a dark cloud. I'm too frusterated to cry, and too sad to yell.
This moment isn't sitting well with me.
M.
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