Revealing Facts Already Known

At my office's staff meeting today we had a vendor representative come in and do a communication style activity.  She used cards with words on them to group us into four little boxes on an axis.  I found it far more telling on the groups attitudes towards each other than the way they interact.  One of the doctors and the majority of the assistants and receptionists were "Green".  The practice manager was "Red".  The other doctor, one of the receptionists, and a tech were "Blue".  We had no one who fell in the "Yellow" category.  When she had us move so we could see what group we fell in, the three people in the blue group attacked me for joining them.  "You're not a blue."  "She the quietest person here." And so on.  The Rep "rescued" me by saying well maybe you're more like that in *social* settings.  We can pretend that.  

The reality is that no one speaks to me and I make a point not to speak to anyone else so they truly have no fucking clue what I'm like, at all.  I'm not comfortable in my place there so I don't speak up when I don't have a reason to.  When ever I ask a question or make a statement I'm attacked by virtually every person there.  So no, they don't know how I communicate because they never communicate with me.  

If we had done that same exercise at my part time job the employees there would have immediately recognized me as fitting that group,  my friends and boyfriend would as well, my family might not because I've changed a lot since I was living with them.  People who actually talk to me, who interact with me beyond them telling me to do something and me doing it for them, they would recognize that I am direct and determined.  

Towards the very end of the meeting we went around seeing if we knew the names of peoples pets, spouses, kids, and what not.  One person knew what breed one of my dogs is, and she didn't even get that completely right.  For every other person at least half the staff knew their pets names and breeds, most of them everyone knew.  I knew at least half of the pet names of even the coworkers who have six or more pets, but no one knew the names of my two dogs.  

I was well aware before of the fact that I'm not a welcome part of the group, and not considered part of the team, but it was a moment of realization to just how much I am unwanted there.  It pisses me off because they never tried, they never welcomed me, they never tried to get to know me.  I immediately was designated as someone who does not matter.   And why share anything with people who have decided you don't matter anyways?

The fact that I'm a dynamic human being who is not at a constant polarity to set traits aside, of course...

I need a new new job, this new job is getting old fast.  

J.